Use it On Monday, by Michelle DeRusha
Michelle writes a daily blog about finding faith in the everyday at Graceful. On Monday's she reflects on Sunday's sermon in a weekly post entitled "Use it on Monday." She's nice enough to let us re-post it on Southwood's blog. You can read it here each week and then click over to Michelle's blog for more of her writing.
The Helpmehelpmehelpme Prayer
Ten years ago, on my first day back to work after a year and a half of being a stay-at-home mom, I greeted my new officemate, settled into my chair, switched on my desk lamp and turned toward the keyboard. Not even three minutes into my brand-new job, and I already had a problem…and it was an embarrassing one: I couldn’t figure out how to turn on my computer.
Panic, self-doubt and shame washed over me as I frantically searched the keyboard and the monitor for the on switch. “I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do this,” I berated myself. “I knew I shouldn’t have applied for this job. I knew I was going to be a total failure.” I swiveled toward my officemate, who was busily typing. “Um, can I interrupt you for just a second?”I asked. “Ah, this is kind of embarrassing…but I can’t figure out how to turn on my computer.” In the brief moment before she pointed to the switch on the black tower under my desk, I glimpsed hesitation slide across her features. I could tell she wondered if I was going to make it.
As it turned out, that first question was the first of many to follow in the days and weeks as I settled in my new job. I inquired about the printer, the location of the microwave, the proper formatting for news releases, where the supply closet was located, how to sign my timesheet, the extension for the IT department. I asked what felt like a relentless stream of questions, and although my officemate and other coworkers were remarkably patient and gracious in offering help, after a while, I began to feel ashamed by my seemingly constant need for assistance. I didn’t want to ask for help anymore. I felt like the answer window was closing, and it was time to figure out the rest of it on my own.
I remembered those humbling and terrifying new-job fears and insecurities yesterday when we read Psalm 124 in church. And I thought about how grateful I am that God’s answer window never closes.
“Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 124:8)
The prayer I utter to God most often is this one:“Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme.” I know. It’s not eloquent. It’s not fancy. It’s more than a little self-centered. Frankly, it must get a little old to be God and hear me mumbling the same pathetic prayer over and over. But what’s simply amazing is that God never stops offering help. He hears my desperation, he hears my panic time and time again, and he doesn’t ever turn away. He never says, “Michelle, your grace period is over. It’s time to figure it out on your own.”
I may not hear an answer to my plea for help right away. I may eventually hear a different answer from the one I desire. But I know I can keep asking. I know he listens. And I find so much comfort in that.
What's your most frequently uttered prayer?
You can read more of Michelle's writing on her blog Graceful.
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