Use it On Monday, by Michelle DeRusha
Michelle writes a daily blog about finding faith in the everyday at Graceful. On Monday's she reflects on Sunday's sermon in a weekly post entitled "Use it on Monday." She's nice enough to let us re-post it on Southwood's blog. You can read it here each week and then click over to Michelle's blog for more of her writing.
The Forever Advocate
A sermon planted the seed. As I listened to Pastor Greg preach, I realized he was talking directly to me. He didn’t know it of course. His goal was to inspire Southwood’s members to evangelize – to reach out to the “unchurched” people – friends, relatives, neighbors – and invite them into a relationship with God. What Pastor Greg didn’t know was that I was the one who needed to hear the invitation. Sure I sat in church on Sunday mornings. Sure I sang the hymns and repeated the prayers. But I wasn’t really there.
I went home after church that morning five years ago, walked downstairs to our basement office, sat at the computer and typed an email to Pastor Greg. I asked if we could meet to talk. I didn’t know him. He didn’t know me. I wasn’t sure exactly what we’d talk about or even whether I’d follow through it. But purely on impulse I hit “Send,” and it wasn’t long before I saw the reply in my in-box.
I bit my thumbnail ragged on the drive over to the church later that week, and I seriously considered bailing. But in the end I knocked on his office door, and in the course of our conversation I admitted to Pastor Greg that I didn’t think I believed in God. I remember feeling scared by this public admission; it was the first time I had told anyone about the depths of my doubts. It was the first time I had truly admitted it to myself. I steeled myself for a lecture, but that’s not what I got. Instead, Pastor Greg simply told me that all hope was not lost, and that he believed the Holy Spirit was working within me and had brought me to his office that day.
I absolutely did not believe him. I nodded yes, very good, lovely, thank you for your time. And I went on my way. But a funny thing happened. Although I didn’t believe him at the time, his words stuck with me. And they were enough to plant a glimmer of hope.
Before Jesus ascended to Heaven, he told the disciples that although they would no longer be able to see him, he would still be with them, within them, in the form of the Holy Spirit:
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever…You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be in you. I will not leave your orphaned; I am coming to you.” (John 14:16-18)
I’ll admit, the Holy Spirit is the one entity of the trinity that troubles me the most. I get God (sort-of). I can wrap my mind around Jesus, because he was incarnated in a human form. But the Holy Spirit? A presence? A ghost? A spirit inside of me? That I don’t get.
Yet when I look back at how my faith journey has unfurled in the last five years, I see that Pastor Greg was right. The Holy Spirit was indeed working within me; I simply can’t explain it any other way.
Last week my best friend Andrea sat in a doctor’s office and listened as her dad was diagnosed with stage four incurable cancer. She told me on the phone that she had prayed all day prior to the meeting that she would find strength and calm during the appointment. And when she sat next to her father as the doctor reported the diagnosis and prognosis, she told me that she felt an immediate sense of calm and peace flow through her. “I had prayed for the Holy Spirit," she told me later that evening. “And it was the Holy Spirit."
Andrea heard the devastating news no daughter ever wants to hear, yet she was filled with an inexplicable calm and peace. The Holy Spirit, God himself, was with her in that room. Is with her right now, today and tomorrow and always.
I can’t explain it. I can’t quite get my head around it. But I believe it in my heart.
“I will not leave you orphaned; I am coming to you.” (John 14:18)
You can read more of Michelle's writing on her blog Graceful.
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